For You Heather – My Past … That Lead To Where I am Today.

I am extremely honored and proud to have someone contact me about my blog, asking for me to write more and for some personal advise.  It makes me even more happy and pleased that there is a change that some of my writings and personal experiences have the potential to help someone else in their own lives.  So i am happy to answer some of the questions that were asked and elaborate on some of my past that lead to where i am right now.  This is going to be a long one, so bear with me and i hope you enjoy.

Maybe I should start by sharing the comment that i received, that prompted me to write the following blog.

Hi Bobbi!
I just came across your blog and it’s gotten a strange hold on me. I haven’t been able to stop reading! You’ve written some of these entries very well and intriguingly 🙂
I was wondering if you’d be willing to write some posts on your marriage and divorce…. I am not trying to be nosy or anything, I am actually interested in how a long term relationship (I think you had said 15 years in one of your articles) ended as I may be heading towards the same situation.
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, not as long as yours but long enough to fall in love and think about marriage and head towards that only to one day wonder if he is the one. Maybe we’re drifitng or maybe we’re going through a rough patch. I’m not sure. I just wanted to talk to someone who figured out what was right for her.
I specifically hoped you could shed light on that 15 year relationship had started, how it progressed to marriage – whether you ever doubted that it was the right thing to do, what changed during marriage that made you two realize it was time to go your separate ways… and kids – was that topic ever an issue?
If you don’t want to write a few posts about these things and publicize it, I completely understand. But maybe if instead you could email me back so we could talk that would be great.
I know I’m probably asking for a lot but it’s just that I’ve noticed through your writing that you’ve ended up in a very healthy place. And I desperately want that as well.
Thank you,
Heather

Heather, this is for you!  🙂  And thank you again.  I hope you find some of the answers you are looking for in this.  Please feel free to continue to ask me any questions you may have or ask for me to elaborate on anything.  I am an open book.

I was 16 years old, a Sophomore in high school when i met him.  We went to the movies together on a double date with my best friend.  Our relationship grew from there.  We were together basically since we were kids, we grew up together, we grew together, and eventually we grew apart together.  We finished high school and moved away to college together, stayed in the same dorm together and then got an apartment together.  We were always together.  After we graduated college, he got a job as an aerospace engineer in Wichita, KS.  Halfway across from the country from my family and all that i knew.  But i saw it as an adventure.  That was a step that would either make us or break us, we would either have only each other to rely and grow closer, or we would fall apart.

One thing my mom told me during my divorce – that struck a cord so deeply within (which i will get to a little later in the writing) was that ever since i was a little girl, i had always danced to the beat of my own drum… then when i was with him she said i begun to dance to his beat.  Going through my divorce, she said it was good to see “Bobbi ” again and that i was now dancing to my own beat again.  I had always been a free spirit, a free thinker, and independent person.  Yet, i somehow seemed to have lost myself in the midst of that relationship. What my mom said to me was something i will never forget, and just even more reassurance that i made the right decision.

The first moment i ever remember questioning or asking myself whether this was the right step for me was when we were discussing moving to Kansas.  It was an amazing opportunity for him, careerwise, and i would be just tagging along, there for the adventure…. During our discussions, he said he would go whether i decided to go our not.  That was a huge blow to me and something i never forgot or got over.  Needless to say, i still went along with the plan and moved.

At different points in our relationship we grew together, then would grow apart.  Yet somehow, i always felt like something was missing.  Something that i could not figure out or put my finger on.  But looking back, what it was was that i had lost my sense of self. I had become his girlfriend, his wife, etc. and had lost the true sense of Bobbi and who she was.

When he proposed to me – after being together for seven years… my response to him was “ARE YOU SURE?”  This is not the response of someone in love and excited about marrying and spending our lives together.  Needless too say, i did say yes and we got married on our ten year anniversary from the time we started dating on the beach in Jamaica, barefoot.  The wedding was perfect, just as i hoped it would be.  Yet, we would never make it to our 4th wedding anniversary.  As the years passed i continued to question.  Was this right?  Was this the best thing for me?  Was this where i was suppose to be?  Don’t get me wrong, He was an wonderful man.  He would have done just about anything for me.  We grew to become best friends.  He was kind, understanding, successful, caring and loved me more than the world.  Yet he was calm and safe, neutral, content with the average.  He would attempt to pull me into that lull as well.

One of the most powerful things for me was the saying – When it’s right, you just know.  It took me actually falling in love with someone right to understand that saying and what it truly meant.  I always questioned.  And what i learned was that all of that questioning meant – for me – that it was not the right thing.  It was not the right place for me.  It was not the right thing for me.  Not that i regret it, i would never take it back.  I learned so much from all of that.  So much that made the person i am today.  Your experiences, whether good or bad, experience the person you are to turn into… and i like this Bobbi quite a bit 🙂

I do not believe that there is only one right, perfect person out there for each of us.  I am quite certain that there are more than one “right ones”.  But i also think that there are just as many, if not more “wrong ones”.  And now that i have met and fell in love with one of my “right ones” i know what it means to “JUST KNOW”.  I just knew, and i still know – which is why i fight so hard through any hard or difficult times.  I have never questioned with him like i did with my ex husband.  I was always questioning.  I think that is such a big hint and a big clue.

What it actually took for me – after years on uncertainty, questioning and just that feeling of missing something… was actually stopping and listening to myself.  My body had begun to tell me what my heart and mind was in denial about.  I started to go through a depression.  I lost my appetite and all normal desire in all the everyday things i used to enjoy.  I started losing weight, avoiding intimacy or contact, avoiding any sort of deep or meaningful conversation.  I spent more time alone, in bed, sleeping… in avoidance mode. I started to feel this intense and consistent anxiety, for no particular reason that i could put my finger on (like the sort of anxious feeling before you give a speech or something like that…. all the time, all day long).  Others started to notice my weight loss and expressed their concern to me.  I begun seeing a therapist who helped me to realize all of these things that i was too afraid to admit to myself.  I did a lot of soul searching, a lot of writing, a lot of talking and finally started to listen to myself – to all that my instinct and intuition and body was telling me.  I decided on a trial separation – to get some time away, to myself and to figure out if that was right for me.  I talked to my husband about this and while he was extremely upset about it, he was surprisingly understanding.  He knew i was not happy.  We went over our budgets to see what i could  afford on my own and how to split up our finances.  I rented an apartment that would do a short term 6 month lease.. this was in October 2008.  My depression and anxiety continued and my doctor put me on some medication.  I couldn’t eat or sleep and barely function.  It was one of the hardest decisions i had ever had to make in my entire life.  It took a lot of strength and courage to leave a “comfortable” situation because i knew i needed more.

We continued to talk during this separation.  We would have “dates” and try to work on things and figure it out.  Yet somehow i knew that this was the right decision for me, no matter how depressed i got, or how hard it was  for me… i knew it was the right thing.  And i was honest with him through the whole thing.  I let him knew i wanted to file for divorce.  He was crushed.  He tried all he could think of to get me to come back home.  I broke his heart, and that in turn broke mine all over again.  I loved him and i never meant to or wanted to hurt him.  But for once in my life i had to listen to myself and not do what everyone else wanted me to do.  I have some of the worst memories stuck in my head of things he said to me – memories that i can’t get rid of no matter what of how much i hurt him.  That hurts me.  Yet it had to be done.

We worked together and sold our house, filed for divorce and split up our savings we had together.  I started dating again.  I found my smile again.  I found myself again.  I call that summer my summer of recovery and discovery.  I recovered from my depression, my anxiety, my guilt and my divorce  and discovered who Bobbi was again.  It felt so good to be free and independent.  To be the free spirit i am inherently.  To not feel squashed and kept inside a box, but free to open my wings and soar.  It was what i needed, what my soul needed.

I dated.  I got my heart broken.  I broke hearts.  I had to relearn what i wanted in a relationship.  I had fun. I let it all lose!  That was the summer i met Eric.  The summer i fell in love, truly in love, for the first time in my life.  That was the summer i learned what it meant when someone says “you just know”.  I finally knew and understood.  And knew with even greater confidence that i did the right thing.  When my divorce was final, after all the waiting periods – Eric and i celebrated!

My ex husband and i tried to stay in touch.  He got laid off and moved away.  Before he left, he came over and met Eric, said  good bye to me and the kitties.  It has been over 6 years now and i have not once doubted my decision.  And at one point, he contacted me and thanked me for all i had done, and that all we went through showed him how to be a better person for himself and for his future partners.  I only wish him happiness.  I am so grateful that we worked together through it all and that there were no hard feelings or negativity surrounding it all.

And to answer some of your other questions… We never had children.  We did have two cats though 🙂  I had never wanted children and knew this early on.  I think he would have liked to have them someday but when the topic was brought up and we discussed it he choose to be with me over the possibility of kids in the future.  Now maybe he can have some if he wishes :).

Infidelity – that was never an issue with us either.  I knew he loved me and only me and i never worried he would stray.  While i never did during our relationship, i had thoughts of it – because of my own unhappiness and lack of satisfaction in the relationship.

And Heather – please continue to ask me any other questions you have… and let me know how you are doing and what decisions you make in your own struggle.

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I Never Imagined It Wold Be So Easy!

I am a big fan of getting money for nothing!  Aren’t we all??  Well in this day and age, it is rare that you can find a deal like this that actually works and is actually worth the little time and effort you spend on it.

I started using Inbox Dollars a couple of years ago.  They send me emails each day with a link to click to view the Paid Email and to receive cash credit for clicking on the link.  That is all I do!  Click the link, close it out.  Click the link, close it out.  I do this for each email they send me daily and the cash builds up!  You can also respond to and complete surveys for additional cash but this takes more time than I have, so I typically only do the paid emails.

Once you reach a $30.00 credit, you can request a pay out.  This can be in the form of a check or a prepaid Visa Card.  Easy as that!

Here is a summary of my past earnings and checks received:

July 1, 2012 – Check received  for $40.87

January 30, 2013 – Check received for $32.69

and now today, I am ready to request my next payout in the amount of $35.35!

Yes, it takes a while for the cash to build up if all you do is view emails and not complete surveys as well, but the way I look at it, $30.00 + for doing nothing.  And I like those odds!!  A little extra money here and there for whatever I want.  A special surprise to myself.   I always receive the checks within a couple of weeks.  I am excited to figure out what I am going to spend the extra money on this time!  I make sure to use it for something FUN and not paying off bills.

They also have a referral program where you can earn cash for friends you refer to the rewards club.  If you are interested in making some extra cash for doing nothing, like I do, then just follow the link below!  This is a special link to my referral page so I get the credit for you signing up.  Give it a try and see what you think about it, what can it hurt?  Nothing but a little extra cash in your pocket!  It is free to join and you are out nothing for giving it a try.

 

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A Different Kind of Celebration – Buddha Day

A Different Kind of Celebration – Buddha Day

Each year, I republish my blog on Buddha Day, with some updates and modifications. 

 

Today, Wednesday May 14th, 2014 is a very special day for those of the Buddhist faith.  Whether you are a Buddhist, or like me and just identify and believe in the loving compassion teachings of the Buddha, today is a day to acknowledge and celebrate.  Buddha Day, also known as Vesak, Vesakha or Wesak, is a celebration that encompasses the birth of the Buddha, his enlightenment Nirvana and his passing away, all on the same day.  This day falls on the full moon of the 5th month of the lunar calendar, varying dates each year.  This year it falls on May 14th.   Many Buddhist celebrations occur during the full moon.   This day is one of the most important observances and celebrations for Buddhists across the world.  Vesak offers Buddhists an opportunity to reflect on the life and teachings of the Buddha and also highlights the potential for inner peace and happiness that lies within us all as well as a day for Buddhists to reaffirm their commitment to living a moral and compassionate lifestyle.  As Eric reminds me, it is not how he died but it is a day to reflect on how he lived and the magnitude of his teachings, and that is the reason we celebrate.


“The significance of Vesak lies with the Buddha and his universal peace message to mankind.”
~Venerable Mahinda

Most Buddhist countries declare this day a Buddhist Holiday and a day to remember the significant events in Buddha’s life.  Many Buddhists acknowledge this event by visiting the Vihara, or Buddhist Monistary.  This could also simply mean a secluded place in which to walk, reflect and meditate if there is no Monistary close to visit.  During this visit to the Vihara, Buddhists would be dressed in white and bring flowers and incense or candles to pay respect to the Buddha.  These symbolic offerings are to be a reminder that just as the beautiful flowers wither and die and the candles soon burn out, so too is life subject to decay and destruction.  Many devout Buddhists would spend the day in the Vihara, from morning to night, taking a retreat from their daily schedule, meditating, chanting and participating in Dharma Talk or teachings of the Buddha.  In many Buddhist countries selling and consuming of meat and alcohol is prohibited during the week of Vesak and the government will even closes down all liquor shops and slaughter houses.   Birds, insects and animals are released by the thousands in a symbolic act of liberation, giving freedom to those in captivity and tortured against their will.  This is considered an act of generosity, symbolic of generating good karma. The act also symbolizes the Buddha’s compassion for all things.  While many sects of Buddhism typically calls for a vegetarian diet, there are also other sects which do not require this.  During this time Buddhists who are not vegetarian refrain from eating meat. Buddhists make a special effort to refrain from killing of any kind and are encouraged to eat only vegetarian food for the day.

To celebrate this day and the life and teachings of the Great Buddha, it is not necessary to go to a temple and participate in rituals if you can’t, don’t have access or would rather not.  Many would prefer a day or even a moment of solitary reflection.  It is not about the specifics in how one celebrates this day or the rituals performed, it is the simple act of recognizing  and expressing gratitude to the Buddha for the teachings he has given.  It is really all about personal preference and what is best for you as an individual.  Maybe some would prefer a simple ceremony in front of a small shrine at home, or maybe a brief reflection on the qualities and teachings of the Buddha along with meditation.

I have always admired and appreciated the teachings of Buddhism.  When I met Eric and two of my most exciting surprises about him was that he loved wine and he was a Buddhist!  He and I begun to discuss some of our Buddhist ideals and rituals and he taught me about the different days of celebrations as well as sharing his own personal rituals and ways to celebrate and give respect to the teachings with me.  He is the one who taught me about Buddha Day and all other Buddhist holidays and from there i researched to find out more.

This will be our fifth year together  and this year, just as last year Eric will acknowledge and pay respect to this tradition and lifestyle by refraining from eating meat for the month prior, taking it a step further than just abstaining for the single day but also the day before and the day after.

We do not have the opportunity to live in a Buddhist country and have the day off so we will begin our evening by having a Buddhist feast consisting of Sushi (vegetarian Sushi for me) and miso soup, just as Eric and I  ritualistically do every year.  Then we will have our own ceremony of reading from our Buddhism books together and meditating  in front of our shrine.     I am thankful, grateful and appreciative that Eric has shared his religion, tradition and rituals with me and we have incorporated this as part of our lifestyle together.

Even if you are not Buddhist or have never studied any of Buddha’s teachings, everyone can learn a lot from the Great and Wise Buddha.  In today’s society we are killing each other, we are killing our planet in which we live.  In my opinion, there is a huge lack of compassion and consideration in everyday human life.    What can we learn from Buddha?  That non-violent living is the way to go.  That we need more peace, love and compassion to create the positive energy our society is lacking, and to help promote good Karma throughout our lives.  We need to expel hatred, greed and stupidity from our lifestyles.

“He who lives only for pleasures, and whose soul is not in harmony, who considers not the food he eats, is idle, and has not the power of virtue — such a man is moved by mara (evil one), is moved by selfish temptations, even as a weak tree is shaken by the wind.”  Buddha

Tuesdays Are Back!!

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Disregard all the mess on my coffee table.  The important part if this picture is the empty bottle of Port and the two delicious looking drinks!

Eric and I have been together for almost 4 years now, 4 years next month.  When we first go together our lives were hectic and we had our group of friends around us much of the time.  It was hard to find that time alone.  So just several weeks into our relationship we came up with our Tuesday Wine Nights.  Tuesday was a night that he didn’t have ban practice, and my roomates at the time did have practice and were gone, so we made that our night.  A night for Eric and Bobbi and nothing else.  As much as our lives have changed since then, that is a tradition we still carry on.

There have been some nights here and there where we have had to postpone or make it up another night because of work schedules or other things, but for the most part we always have that time together.  After we moved here to Virginia Beach, we started to mix it up a bit and take turns planning out the activities for the evening.  What we would do for dinner, cook together, go out, or maybe a picnic on the beach, scrabble on the balcony… just taking turns planning the night.

Along the way, we have somehow gotten away from the habit of taking turns, but we still set aside that evening together for us.

Last Tuesday was one of the best Tuesday wine nights we have had in a long time.  It was an absolutely perfect night!  Just what I needed, and what we needed.  I got home from work and we ran out to pick up our mead for Saturday’s Summer Solstice camping celebration and stopped at the store to grab something to make for dinner.  Homemade garlic and onion pizza and Port!  We ate our pizza out on the balcony until it started to rain on us.  We talked together to plan our upcoming camping trip and things we needed while listening to awesome music. We had dinner, finished up our bottle of Port then played with the girls for a while.  They all three were so happy to have mom and dad home together, and to be getting a lot of attention too.. especially Nefertiti.  Then we gave them some treats, making them even happier!

After finishing up our Port, we had some yummy frozen drinks in my favorite cactus cups.  Blue Hawaiian and Hurricanes while We watched the finale of The Voice, to find out the winner before it was shared on face book and tv… even though we don’t usually watch tv or tune into the real world on our Tuesday nights.

Definitely what I needed, what we needed!

Summer Solstice = Fire and Mead…and Dancing!

The Summer Solstice is Friday June 21, 2013.  The Summer Solstice is a major celestial event in which civilizations have celebrated the great power of the sun for centuries.  Also known as Midsummer, this day marks the first day of summer.  It is also the longest day and the shortest night of the year.  The word Solstice is derived from Latin meaning sun to stand still,  Sol+stice = Sun + to stand still.  As the day lengthens the sun rises higher and higher in the sky until it seems to stand still, at its highest point in the sky.

Early Celtic civilizations celebrated  the first day of summer with dancing and bonfires, helping to increase the sun’s energy.   Chinese honored Li, the Chinese Goddess of Light.  Druids would celebrate the day as a marriage of Heaven and Earth, resulting in a modern-day belief that it is “lucky” to have a wedding in June.  Every year, thousands of people gather at Stonehenge at sunrise where the sunrise is welcomed and Summer Solstice is celebrated.

Summer Solstice at Stonehenge

Pagan and earth-based tradition festivals take place where groups of people gather to light a sacred fire and stay up all night long to welcome the dawn.  Oak is the wood of choice, the oak tree is associated with strength, stability and the sun.  Celebrations included bonfires where couples would leap through the flames with the belief that their crops would grow as high as the couples were able to jump.  It is also believed that the bonfires have great power and that prosperity and protection cold be received by jumping over them.  Cold embers from fires were charms against injury and bad weather during harvests. They were placed around fields and orchards of crops to protect them and ensure abundance.   The ashes of the fire can also be spread on the garden, said to aid in fertility, and walking through the smoke of the fire was traditionally believed to cure sickness and bring good fortune.

Newly married couple jumping through the flames of a bonfire.

Midsummer is thought to be a time of magic, when evil spirits were said to appear.  To rid them off, Pagans often wore protective garlands of herbs and flowers.  Pagans believe it is an excellent time for weddings, communicating with nature spirits and divination.  It is believed that the boundaries between the worlds are thin and the portals between them are open, especially at twilight.

One other traditional Summer Solstice activity was doing cartwheels down a hillside.  In this tradition, the wheel represents the wheel of life.    Some modern celebrations include a wheel firework display, very appropriate for this “fire festival”!

Pagan Solstice Wheel

Pagans called the Midsummer moon the “Honey Moon” for the mead made from fermented honey that was part of wedding ceremonies performed at the Summer Solstice.

There are many different types of celebrations or festivals to celebrate the Summer Solstice.   I love the Summer Solstice and the Pagan idea of it rooted in nature and honoring Mother Nature.  I love to develop my own celebrations or rituals to celebrate days like this.

When Eric and I got together, I wanted to come up with a celebration ritual for the two of us to enjoy each year.  I took a couple of the ideas of what Summer Solstice is and put them together for something fun for us.  With it being the “festival of fire” and a day to celebrate the power and energy of the sun i wanted to incorporate fire into our celebration.  Living in an apartment, it was always hard to create a bonfire so we decided on a simple fire ceremony involving our charcoal grill and whatever food we choose to grill!  Another aspect i incorporated into our ritual was the drinking of Mead, which is Honey Wine.  The Pagans called the midsummer moon the “honey moon” named after the honey wine Mead drink that was a popular drink as part of summer solstice wedding ceremonies.

FireMead

Each year our Summer Solstice celebration will consist of Fire and Mead!  I am sure it is something we will continue each year, maybe modifying or adding something to adjust our lifestyle at that time, but it will always include Fire and Mead!

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These are the two kinds of mead I got for this year!

This year, on Saturday the 22nd, rather than the 21st (because of schedules) Eric and I are going to go camping for the night.  We are going to build a great fire, burn our yule log from the Winter Solstice, drink our mead and dance together around the fire!  Too bad we will be in a public state park…  because drinking mead and dancing around the fire….NAKED… sounds like the perfect medicine for all that ales..  😉 I am really excited about this celebration, ready to climb a tree and pee outside!  And to celebrate the Summer Solstice with the man of my dreams.

We saved our Yule log from Winter Solstice and will start our fire with the wood from our Yule log.  Saving the Yule log is said to bring good luck, then to burn it during the following Summer Solstice helps to release the past and move forward.  Something that would definitely be beneficial for Eric and myself.

Find a way to celebrate the Summer Solstice.  Whether it be rooted in religion or nature get out and enjoy the longest day of the year!

My Challenge For “This Life”

Maybe I need to look at this whole thing more as a challenge.  As a test of my strength.  Of all the things that I have learned over the years and all the lessons I have had to teach myself.  Maybe it is meant to be a reminder to me of the strong independent woman who I am.

In my life, my biggest weaknesses/areas for growth are my patience and my inability to control my emotions.  This is a test of both of those things.  In order to become my best self, I must overcome all obstacles, especially those that are the most difficult to me.  If I am unable to achieve that goal in this live, I am subject to dealing with these same struggles in my next life, and each life after that until I finally am able to overcome.

I do believe that each life we are given (because I fully believe in reincarnation) we have a goal to work towards.  An area within ourselves to overcome and perfect.  Maybe this is my goal for this current life here on earth.

I have strength, I have spirit, I have persistence, dedication and determination.  My thoughts are what can become destructive.  This too, is a challenge I can overcome.

Summer of Fun

I am determined to make this a summer filled with fun and excitement.  I plan to have new experiences, try things I have been wanting to, and do things I have always loved doing.  Whether I get to share these experiences with Eric, friends, or alone… I am determined to make it happen.  And when I get determined… you know what happens 🙂

beach, fun, people, summer, sunset

  • Rock Climbing
  • Roller Skating
  • Run the color vibe run – make it fun, and experience, a memory, not just a run – Completed this July 20, 2013.  I had an awesome time with two of my most favorite ladies in the entire world.  Hanging out in the parking lot at 8am drinking bloody Mary’s waiting for the run to start.   It was a super hot July day and we all three were drained by the end of the race but had an incredible time.  After the run we headed to the beach and jumped in the ocean, fully clothed, to cool off and wash some of the color off of us.  After splashing around in the ocean and acting like kids at heart, we walked back to Sarah’s place and had a picnic on her porch of salad, pasta and water.  We felt so dehydrated after the day that neither of us wanted any wine or alcohol.  After a day filled with fun, sun and excitement, I headed home for a much needed nap!
  • Lots of concerts and music, live and local.  Even cover bands – Wen to see Marilyn Manson with Sarah and Maxx.  Walked down to Papa’s pub by myself one night to catch a cover band.  Cover band was actually pretty good and played a lot of good music that I actually enjoyed.
  • Lots of beach days
  • More tree climbing
  • Girls weekend away
  • Get on a consistent work out schedule and get back into shape
  • Go to the winery with Sarah and Ashley
  • Make a visit to the Buddhist Meditation Center in either VB or Norfolk
  • Lots of weekend bloody mary brunches
  • Camping  – Eric and I went camping at First Landing State Park for our Summer Solstice Celebration and had an amazingly excellent time!  It was just about the perfect camping trip!
  • Try to get more comfortable going to bars alone like I used to do in Wichita – Doing better with this also.  Madd Hatter played at a new bar, Krossroads one night.  I headed out alone and got there early for happy hour.  Of course I ran into a ton of people I knew there so I wasn’t really alone, but I did go alone.  One night when I was without a car I walked down to Papa’s Pub alone to hear the cover band they had playing and have some drinks.  I spend the majority of the night alone, just enjoying myself.  Then eric came after class to meet up with me and drive me home.
  • Weekday trips to Busch Gardens
  • new tattoo
  • Watch the sunrise at the beach
  • Write more
  • Hiking and picnic at First Landing
  • Budget my money better so that I have funds to do the things I want to do
  • day drinking with my favorite people
  • Pick back up my “something new once a month” thing
  • Sing at karaoke
  • Find romance again
  • Find my new “chalet”
  • Reconnect with my strength and power again
  • Grow and strengthen the bonds I have created with some very special people I have met in the past year or so through time together, sharing experiences and memories, trust and love.
  • Open myself up to meeting new people
  • Spontaneous day trips.  Just get up and go
  • … fix my damn car… so I am free do to do all the things I want to do, without worrying about being broken down in the middle of nowhere. – Car is fixed!!
  • Weekend trip to WV to visit family – after car is fixed
  • Get back into meditation like I used to
  • Fight to keep Tuesday nights alive and exciting, no matter what

But MOST importantly, one of my biggest goals is to reconnect with the happy, easy going, fun, crazy, free spirit within me that I used to love so much.  She currently peaks her head out every once in a while, but I want her back consistently, for good. That means letting go of some of the stress and worry in my life.  The wants that I can’t have, the hopes that are hopeless.  It is hard to let go of things that I want so badly, but I am realizing that sometimes I have no choice, no control over the situation or the outcome.
I have a lot of thoughts in my head, a lot of conflict, a lot of decision making that needs to happen.  But none of that I am ready for just yet.  What I am ready for is to open up this box and let Bobbi out, full force!