The Meaning of Life… or, What Love Means To Me

Two separate titles for one single blog.  I had a hard time deciding between the two titles and it addresses both, therefore the double title.

A question that everyone asks at least one point in their lives… What is the meaning of life?

Here is my take on it.  I believe that the answer to this question is different for each person.  And I also believe it is different for each life you live.  As one who fully believes in reincarnation, I believe that each life you live you have a different mission or goal in life to accomplish.  Some main goal or issue to reach and address in an attempt to reach your ultimate nirvana.

For some people their goal for this life is to obtain success, freedom, peace, confidence, family, love, or a plethora of other personal attributes.  Others it may be to reduce anger or temper issues or hatred.  For others it may be a religious aspect.  But rather than get into a huge, long philosophical religious rant, I want to tell you what it means to me.

To me, in this life the answer to that question is… Love.

From a young age, people search for and seek out someone to share experiences with.  Whether it be friends or romantic interests, heterosexual or homosexual, just about every single person has the same major goals in common.  Shelter, nourishment, and companionship.  People spend their lives looking for companionship, for the perfect man or woman, for their soul mate.  Few are lucky to find that person early, to share their lives with.  Most go through one after another, searching most of their lives for the perfect compliment to themselves.

Love is the most important thing.  It can be the best thing you have ever experienced and alternately the worst.  It is like trial and error.  You go through several different kinds of people, learning what you want and do not want out of that perfect partner.  When you finally do find him or her you create a relationship.  You grow and nourish it, and fight to keep them.  It takes daily effort.

When I love, I love with my whole heart, mind, body and soul.  I put everything I have into that relationship.  When something causes stress or turmoil in that relationship it turns my entire world upside down.   I am a very emotional person by nature, and when something happens to test my emotions even further I am even more of an emotional roller coaster than typical.  I become more vulnerable and much more sensitive to things that may not bother me as much on a normal, typical day for me.

 

 

The Book Of Our Lives – Writers Block

This month will be the fourth year anniversary for me and Eric.  Each year, I write a new chapter in the book of our lives.   It serves as a highlight of our past year together.  The good times, the bad times, our milestones, our accomplishments, our struggles and most of all… Our Love.

I started working on Chapter Four this week.  This is the hardest chapter yet.   I looked back at the previous three chapters as a walk down memory lane.  Yet rather than making me smile, this time it made me sad.  It made me sad to see how much our relationship has changed… in a way that I did not want it to.  And because of that sadness, I found it very difficult to continue writing chapter four.

Year one was spent getting to know each other, learning to trust each other.  Breaking down the walls we put up to let each other in and to let each other help to heal the other from all of our past.  The second year was us growing into our new lives together.  Strengthening our bond and our commitment.  Knowing by then that it was he and I, until the end.  A year of continuing to grow together, transitions and milestones.  Year three was a struggle full of ups and downs.  We had fallen to lows that neither of us thought we would be at.  But through it all he stood by my side and continued to reinforce and prove to me his commitment, love and dedication to me, us and our relationship.  As hard as things got and as many struggles as we suffered and endured, we made it through and ultimately it brought us closer together.  It strengthened our bond and our commitment. Now, year four… it has been full of continued struggles.  Different struggles then we had conquered the past year.  Struggles that continue to put a strain on our relationship.  Yet what is different with this year is that I feel like rather than conquering these struggles and growing together as a couple, we are growing apart.  We are growing as individuals, yet unfortunately, growing apart.

This being why it has been difficult for me to write chapter four.  It is hard to look at the progression of our relationship over the years, and to feel like we have lost something somewhere along the line, to feel like we are growing apart and in different directions.  I have stopped several times and thought that once I was maybe in a different mood, or approached it with a different frame of mind, that I would have a more successful and less difficult time at writing.  So far, no such luck.

 

 

A Walk In The Dark

Margaritas

Yelling

Feelings hurt

Walking

These heels are killing my feet

Walking more

Never looking back until I reach the corner

Turn around

No one is there…

Wish he was behind me

Disappointed

 

Walking more

Its getting dark

Weirdo’s pass me on the bridge

Time to turn around

Go home, still hurt, still disappointed

 

My Favorite Etsy Shop… Had to Share!

This is too great not to share.

This is my FAVORITE etsy store.  Take a look at it here

or here:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/Sabrieth

Pentacle and Pagan jewelry made from new or upcycled materials, including gemstones, sterling silver, and cruelty-free shed snake skin.  You have to take a look at her stuff, you won’t be disappointed.  And she even does custom orders!  Each piece of hers is unique and one of a kind.

Summer Solstice = Fire and Mead…and Dancing!

The Summer Solstice is Friday June 21, 2013.  The Summer Solstice is a major celestial event in which civilizations have celebrated the great power of the sun for centuries.  Also known as Midsummer, this day marks the first day of summer.  It is also the longest day and the shortest night of the year.  The word Solstice is derived from Latin meaning sun to stand still,  Sol+stice = Sun + to stand still.  As the day lengthens the sun rises higher and higher in the sky until it seems to stand still, at its highest point in the sky.

Early Celtic civilizations celebrated  the first day of summer with dancing and bonfires, helping to increase the sun’s energy.   Chinese honored Li, the Chinese Goddess of Light.  Druids would celebrate the day as a marriage of Heaven and Earth, resulting in a modern-day belief that it is “lucky” to have a wedding in June.  Every year, thousands of people gather at Stonehenge at sunrise where the sunrise is welcomed and Summer Solstice is celebrated.

Summer Solstice at Stonehenge

Pagan and earth-based tradition festivals take place where groups of people gather to light a sacred fire and stay up all night long to welcome the dawn.  Oak is the wood of choice, the oak tree is associated with strength, stability and the sun.  Celebrations included bonfires where couples would leap through the flames with the belief that their crops would grow as high as the couples were able to jump.  It is also believed that the bonfires have great power and that prosperity and protection cold be received by jumping over them.  Cold embers from fires were charms against injury and bad weather during harvests. They were placed around fields and orchards of crops to protect them and ensure abundance.   The ashes of the fire can also be spread on the garden, said to aid in fertility, and walking through the smoke of the fire was traditionally believed to cure sickness and bring good fortune.

Newly married couple jumping through the flames of a bonfire.

Midsummer is thought to be a time of magic, when evil spirits were said to appear.  To rid them off, Pagans often wore protective garlands of herbs and flowers.  Pagans believe it is an excellent time for weddings, communicating with nature spirits and divination.  It is believed that the boundaries between the worlds are thin and the portals between them are open, especially at twilight.

One other traditional Summer Solstice activity was doing cartwheels down a hillside.  In this tradition, the wheel represents the wheel of life.    Some modern celebrations include a wheel firework display, very appropriate for this “fire festival”!

Pagan Solstice Wheel

Pagans called the Midsummer moon the “Honey Moon” for the mead made from fermented honey that was part of wedding ceremonies performed at the Summer Solstice.

There are many different types of celebrations or festivals to celebrate the Summer Solstice.   I love the Summer Solstice and the Pagan idea of it rooted in nature and honoring Mother Nature.  I love to develop my own celebrations or rituals to celebrate days like this.

When Eric and I got together, I wanted to come up with a celebration ritual for the two of us to enjoy each year.  I took a couple of the ideas of what Summer Solstice is and put them together for something fun for us.  With it being the “festival of fire” and a day to celebrate the power and energy of the sun i wanted to incorporate fire into our celebration.  Living in an apartment, it was always hard to create a bonfire so we decided on a simple fire ceremony involving our charcoal grill and whatever food we choose to grill!  Another aspect i incorporated into our ritual was the drinking of Mead, which is Honey Wine.  The Pagans called the midsummer moon the “honey moon” named after the honey wine Mead drink that was a popular drink as part of summer solstice wedding ceremonies.

FireMead

Each year our Summer Solstice celebration will consist of Fire and Mead!  I am sure it is something we will continue each year, maybe modifying or adding something to adjust our lifestyle at that time, but it will always include Fire and Mead!

a99748d4e0dfb2061d7ee5943802038c_320x320 ChaucerMead_braggot_

These are the two kinds of mead I got for this year!

This year, on Saturday the 22nd, rather than the 21st (because of schedules) Eric and I are going to go camping for the night.  We are going to build a great fire, burn our yule log from the Winter Solstice, drink our mead and dance together around the fire!  Too bad we will be in a public state park…  because drinking mead and dancing around the fire….NAKED… sounds like the perfect medicine for all that ales..  😉 I am really excited about this celebration, ready to climb a tree and pee outside!  And to celebrate the Summer Solstice with the man of my dreams.

We saved our Yule log from Winter Solstice and will start our fire with the wood from our Yule log.  Saving the Yule log is said to bring good luck, then to burn it during the following Summer Solstice helps to release the past and move forward.  Something that would definitely be beneficial for Eric and myself.

Find a way to celebrate the Summer Solstice.  Whether it be rooted in religion or nature get out and enjoy the longest day of the year!

My Challenge For “This Life”

Maybe I need to look at this whole thing more as a challenge.  As a test of my strength.  Of all the things that I have learned over the years and all the lessons I have had to teach myself.  Maybe it is meant to be a reminder to me of the strong independent woman who I am.

In my life, my biggest weaknesses/areas for growth are my patience and my inability to control my emotions.  This is a test of both of those things.  In order to become my best self, I must overcome all obstacles, especially those that are the most difficult to me.  If I am unable to achieve that goal in this live, I am subject to dealing with these same struggles in my next life, and each life after that until I finally am able to overcome.

I do believe that each life we are given (because I fully believe in reincarnation) we have a goal to work towards.  An area within ourselves to overcome and perfect.  Maybe this is my goal for this current life here on earth.

I have strength, I have spirit, I have persistence, dedication and determination.  My thoughts are what can become destructive.  This too, is a challenge I can overcome.

Summer of Fun

I am determined to make this a summer filled with fun and excitement.  I plan to have new experiences, try things I have been wanting to, and do things I have always loved doing.  Whether I get to share these experiences with Eric, friends, or alone… I am determined to make it happen.  And when I get determined… you know what happens 🙂

beach, fun, people, summer, sunset

  • Rock Climbing
  • Roller Skating
  • Run the color vibe run – make it fun, and experience, a memory, not just a run – Completed this July 20, 2013.  I had an awesome time with two of my most favorite ladies in the entire world.  Hanging out in the parking lot at 8am drinking bloody Mary’s waiting for the run to start.   It was a super hot July day and we all three were drained by the end of the race but had an incredible time.  After the run we headed to the beach and jumped in the ocean, fully clothed, to cool off and wash some of the color off of us.  After splashing around in the ocean and acting like kids at heart, we walked back to Sarah’s place and had a picnic on her porch of salad, pasta and water.  We felt so dehydrated after the day that neither of us wanted any wine or alcohol.  After a day filled with fun, sun and excitement, I headed home for a much needed nap!
  • Lots of concerts and music, live and local.  Even cover bands – Wen to see Marilyn Manson with Sarah and Maxx.  Walked down to Papa’s pub by myself one night to catch a cover band.  Cover band was actually pretty good and played a lot of good music that I actually enjoyed.
  • Lots of beach days
  • More tree climbing
  • Girls weekend away
  • Get on a consistent work out schedule and get back into shape
  • Go to the winery with Sarah and Ashley
  • Make a visit to the Buddhist Meditation Center in either VB or Norfolk
  • Lots of weekend bloody mary brunches
  • Camping  – Eric and I went camping at First Landing State Park for our Summer Solstice Celebration and had an amazingly excellent time!  It was just about the perfect camping trip!
  • Try to get more comfortable going to bars alone like I used to do in Wichita – Doing better with this also.  Madd Hatter played at a new bar, Krossroads one night.  I headed out alone and got there early for happy hour.  Of course I ran into a ton of people I knew there so I wasn’t really alone, but I did go alone.  One night when I was without a car I walked down to Papa’s Pub alone to hear the cover band they had playing and have some drinks.  I spend the majority of the night alone, just enjoying myself.  Then eric came after class to meet up with me and drive me home.
  • Weekday trips to Busch Gardens
  • new tattoo
  • Watch the sunrise at the beach
  • Write more
  • Hiking and picnic at First Landing
  • Budget my money better so that I have funds to do the things I want to do
  • day drinking with my favorite people
  • Pick back up my “something new once a month” thing
  • Sing at karaoke
  • Find romance again
  • Find my new “chalet”
  • Reconnect with my strength and power again
  • Grow and strengthen the bonds I have created with some very special people I have met in the past year or so through time together, sharing experiences and memories, trust and love.
  • Open myself up to meeting new people
  • Spontaneous day trips.  Just get up and go
  • … fix my damn car… so I am free do to do all the things I want to do, without worrying about being broken down in the middle of nowhere. – Car is fixed!!
  • Weekend trip to WV to visit family – after car is fixed
  • Get back into meditation like I used to
  • Fight to keep Tuesday nights alive and exciting, no matter what

But MOST importantly, one of my biggest goals is to reconnect with the happy, easy going, fun, crazy, free spirit within me that I used to love so much.  She currently peaks her head out every once in a while, but I want her back consistently, for good. That means letting go of some of the stress and worry in my life.  The wants that I can’t have, the hopes that are hopeless.  It is hard to let go of things that I want so badly, but I am realizing that sometimes I have no choice, no control over the situation or the outcome.
I have a lot of thoughts in my head, a lot of conflict, a lot of decision making that needs to happen.  But none of that I am ready for just yet.  What I am ready for is to open up this box and let Bobbi out, full force!

The Instinct of Conformity

I just watched a movie from Redbox called Mental and thoroughly enjoyed it.  Here is a song from the movie that I wanted to share.  Instinctive Conformity by Sam Clark.

She’s The Best (Instinct Of Conformity)

She’s the best! Who would’ve guessed?
They want to own her so they can clone her
The Scientists just can’t resist
A girl like this who ain’t neuro-typical

She doesn’t know what she does to me
Born without the instinct of conformity
She ain’t normal just different shades of Mental
the fact that we met could not be accidental

And maybe she’s not the solution
But she’s the next step in human evolution

She’s the best! Who would’ve guessed?
I got impressed as she got undressed and she
Has something more or something less
I’m told she’s crazy, but I think she’s the best

Ohhhhhhh ohhhhhhh

She doesn’t know what she’s done to me
Born again I’m losing my conformity
She makes me feel funny in the tummy
Like Cinderella, Santa, Snow White and The Easter Bunny

And maybe she’s not the solution
But she’s the next step in human evolution

She’s the best! Who would’ve guessed?
I got impressed as she got undressed and she
Has something more or something less
I’m told she’s crazy, but I think she’s the best

Ohhhhhhh ohhhhhhh

I choose her first every time, I said
I choose her first every time, I said
I choose her first every time, I said
I choose her first every night, hey

Conformity is a type of social influence involving a change in belief or behavior in order to fit in with a group.

“Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.”   ―     Mark Twain

First, as soon as the off beat, quirky character in the movie mentioned the instinct of conformity I was immediately more interested.  Then the song played in the background and I loved it.  It made me think of myself.  Now that I am older, I have learned to embrace my individuality, my quirky like behaviors, and the things that other people might consider “crazy”.   However when I was younger, I was always the odd ball.  The one people made fun of.  I marched by the beat of my own drum, and still do!  I didn’t let that instinct that most people have … called conformity, take over.

Enjoy the song, and the lyrics.  And no matter what, be who you truly are.  Never follow the crowd.  Be your own person and make your own rules.  The more true you are to yourself the more satisfied you will be with your life in the long run.