Detox – Day 2

Day 2 –

After going to bed early last night, and sleeping pretty well until about 3:30am I awoke this morning still feeling tired.  After jumping in the shower I definitely felt more alive and awake.

unfortunately, I haven’t felt much like writing…  I have just wanted to lay around and rest.  The hardest part is in the evening when I want to eat some dinner really bad.  Thankfully I have a very supportive and encouraging boyfriend who reminds me why I am doing this every time I complain about being tired or hungry – hungry for something more different than apples… and I complained a lot last night.

I felt the most tired on the evening of day one.  Day two wasn’t as bad but I was a lot more irritable and cranky.  I just wanted other food, apples are no longer satisfying.

I have to be honest and say I have not been meditating as I intended to, so Day three I will absolutely make a point to spend some extra time in meditation to tap into my emotions more thoroughly,  so I would anticipate my update from day three to be a little more detailed.

On a more “personal”  TMI note – another day of going to the bathroom about once an hour.  I can definitely tell I am expelling a lot.  My bowel movements have greatly increased from day one to day two.  My energy level has definitely decreased.  I can see a big difference just from walking up four flights of stairs in the morning to my office.  Today it was a lot harder and I ran out of steam after the second flight.  I know my body needs to rest and relax during these three days so that is what I intend to do after work on day three.  Only one more day left!

 

Detoxification – Mental, Emotional and Physical – Day 1

A journal of my 3 day Edgar Cayce apple detox. 

I attempted to start this last week, but  it just wasn’t right for me.  I was too emotionally distressed and was not in the right mind set for it.  So this is round two of my detox!

Day 1

Last night I prepared my apples for the day, coring and cutting them so I didn’t have to feel rushed this morning.  I awoke with a feeling of love and warmth.  After a great evening with Eric and a very successful, well needed relationship building session I feel more emotionally stable and ready to tackle the day.

I feel it is important to set my goals and intentions for the next three days.  Something to work towards.  And within the three days, and at the end of day three I will be able to review and see if I have stayed on track and if I was able to meet all of my goals and desires.

Goals and Intentions

* I intend for this to be a detoxification of my mind, my emotions and my physical body.  I plan to meditate at least once each day during this process to help to clear out my mind and my emotions of any negative, unhealthy and unwanted thoughts.

* I will be keeping a journal of all of my feelings, physical and emotional through this – focusing on how I feel during my detox.  I will be focusing on any parts of my body that feel sore, tired or achy – this is a sign that toxins are being released.  I will be making a conscious effort to be kind to myself and to let go of any emotions that have been pent up to be leeched out along with all of the other internal toxins in my system.  It is important for me to let it all go and let it all out, which could be a fairly emotional process, but I need to prepare myself for it.

* I will also need to focus on getting plenty of sleep each night, a minimum of 7 hours, but 8 would be more ideal.  But I also have to be realistic with my ideals and expectations for myself

* A more less substantial goal is to clear out my facebook friends list… now is as good of a time as any!

I drank so much water at work today that I feel like  I had to have been to the bathroom at least once every hour!  But it feels good. I went through my container of apples before 4pm and still feel slightly hungry.  But I am not really sure if it is true hunger, or if I just want something else to eat.  Will Power Bobbi!  You can do it!  Sitting in my desk chair, my back is starting to get kind of tight and achey, like I just want to lie down and stretch out.  Eric had given me some coupons as a gift for backrubs and foot rubs and such – I think I may be taking advantage of those this week!

After getting home from work, my plan was to just veg out and watch my backed up shows on DVR, but Eric ended up not having practice and put a wrench in my plans.  But that’s ok, I enjoyed the extra time with him.  I felt hungry most of the evening, but kept to my apples and water.  I fell asleep on the couch early and was in  bed by 11pm, feeling tired and just blah most of the evening.

Day 1 – mainly successful 🙂

Journey of the Soul

As I look back on the last five years, I am reminded of how strong a soul can truly be.

Somehow, I got lost somewhere along the way… a realization that made me leave everything I knew and everything that was comfortable, everything I had built my adult life around.  I got a divorce.  After spending fifteen years with someone, I realized I was not myself any longer.  I had to embark on the journey, in search of myself.

During that search, my Mamaw passed away.  A woman so amazing who had touched so many lives.  She was kind, strong, loving, compassionate, open minded and open hearted.  Losing her left its mark on the souls of many, many who would never  be the same without her.  It happened so sudden, with no time for goodbyes or time to prepare.  Complete shock and heartache.

During my journey I reconnected with myself.  My compassion, my confidence and my independence.  I met a man who accepted me, 100%, no matter what.  He liked and appreciated my oddness, my quirks and my differences… and he had some of his own.  I fell in love.  For the first time in my life, at the age of 32, I fell in love.  A year later, we packed up everything we had, left everything we knew and moved halfway across the country to the beach.  A move that will prove to be the worst and the best thing we could have ever done… if that makes any sense.

Ups and downs, and then more ups and downs.  The biggest roller coaster ride I have ever been on.  My life got turned upside down and flipped over itself.

Three years ago, as of yesterday I lost my Tig. Yes he was a cat but he was more than that, he was like a child to me.  My companion, my friend.  He was with me through so many things.. so many ups and downs… and was always there by my side to show me unconditional love, affection and companionship.

Then my Poppy got sick.  I rushed to West Virginia to be by his side.  A year ago, to the day I lost my Poppy.  After spending days by his side, I had to experience the heartache of saying goodbye to one of the most important people in my life, for the second time.  I didn’t leave his side.  I was honored with the unforgettable moment when he awoke, and was conscious and alert.  He talked to us all.  He held my hand and told me he loved me.  He thanked me for being here and told me how much it meant to him.  We got to share those last moments with our Poppy, sharing love, hugs and smiles.  Not many people get that opportunity and I will forever be thankful.  The next day my sister, myself and my cousin sat with him while he left us in this world, to continue his journey of the soul. I had to say good bye to my Poppy.

Then in August, just two short months ago, I lost my little brother.  A shock that none of us will ever quite get over.  Again, our lives are changed forever.  He had such an impact on so many lives around him, he probably never even knew.  Loved by so many, leaving such an emptiness in our hearts and our lives.  I wish i had been a better sister toward him, i wish i had made more of an effort to tell him and to show him how much i love him and how much he meant to me.

I wish, i should have, i could have… things that can’t be changed now.  But what can be changed is the now.  All of this heartache, all of this sorrow and all of this loss has taught me that you have to appreciate the people important to you.  Love them and appreciate them each and every day.  Don’t wait for tomorrow to say how you feel…. because the reality is that tomorrow is fleeting…. none of us know if we will be blessed with a tomorrow, or if our loved ones will.  Losing my little brother hit me with the realization that i had also taken my sister for granted.  I had assumed they would both always be there.  I neglected my family and let the business of everyday hectic life get in the way.  I was mistakenly content with connecting with them on holidays or birthdays, or when i came into town… rather than taking advantage of the opportunity and telling them each and every day how much i love them.  That is a lesson i learned and now i make it a point to not take my family for granted.  To stay connected with them and to appreciate our bond even that much more… because all of this loss and heartache did bring us all together and created a family bond even stronger than ever before.

These last five years…. a lot of loss, a lot of change and a lot of transitioning.  A lot of heartache and a lot of sorrow.  Yet also a lot of growing and strengthening.  A lot of lessons learned and a lot of bonds cemented. I continue to grow and to change.  My experiences make me who I am, good and bad.  Always see every experience as a lesson learned, as an opportunity to grow and strengthen yourself.  Maybe when you work hard to find the positive in each situation, the negative doesn’t hurt as much?  There is always a light.. .don’t get lost in the dark.

Choking

Choking

Feeling, in a sense, lost today

My normal enthusiasm for Tuesdays has been taken over by hurt, disappointment and a feeling of…

A feeling I am having trouble describing.

A feeling that I wish I wasn’t having, a feeling I shouldn’t be having.

A feeling of stagnation.  A feeling of defeat.

A feeling like a brick tied to my food, dragging me down… deeper down with each disappointment, each neglectful act.

This lump in my throat, choking on my own emotions.

Fighting against my happiness.

Open your eyes!  See what you have in front of you.

If you realized what you have, and how different your life would be without it, maybe you would appreciate it more.

If you appreciated it more, maybe you would try harder to treat it with more respect and consideration, kindness and love.

Less anger, less frustration, less yelling and hatred.  Less neglect, less carelessness, less take for granted attitude.

More communication, less argumentation.

Going in circles.  Getting nowhere.  Things need to change, in order to go somewhere