When you lose someone close to you, it creates this fear and anxiety of losing someone else you love. You realize how fast it can happen, without notice, without giving you a chance to say good bye or to tell them how much you love them. Fear that when they are out, they won’t make it back home. And an irrational urge to want them home with you all the time.
Now, I am trying to deal with my own fears and anxiety of losing someone else I love. I wouldn’t say it is an irrational fear, because I feel like I have every reason to feel that way, but maybe it is a little bit of an excessive fear. Something that I know I have to deal with and learn to work through. I feel it is completely understandable to have this fear, given that fact that I just lost my little brother in a car accident a month ago.
However, sometimes you need the help of others to make it through things like this. I make it a point to be in touch with my mom, dad and sister every day ,whether it be through phone call, text or face book. If I don’t hear from them, I find myself checking facebook to see if they have logged on, just to make sure they are okay.
With Eric, I wish I could just keep him home with me. I know that is not a healthy way of dealing with things but I have to be honest with myself. When he is out I worry, more so than usual. But I also need for him to be understanding of this fear and know and realize that I am trying to work through this and that it may take a little time. I need for him to be compassionate and thoughtful and let me know when he will be late, so I don’t worry excessively. And I expect for him to not come home under the influence of any kind. When these things happen the fears I had been trying so hard to work through and tame, fiercely escape and bring back memories of a very difficult and painful time for me. I need for my partner to be supportive and help me through this, not to increase my fears and cause step backs of the small progress I thought I have made. Sometimes I can’t do it on my own and I need his help.